Harry Potter and the Immensely Evil Leprechaun
by Saltwater
Summary: A story of romance and mystery, drama and horror, Angst, spirituality, and some purple Speedo's... But beware the leprachauns, for they do not yet exsist in this story, and not even I have any idea what they shall do...


I CANT FIND ANY GOOD STORYS!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!

dies

I'm so friggin bored.

* * *

Potter ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran to Dumbledore's office. On the way, he smashed head first into Snape.  
"You fool!" shouted Snape, as he shook his fist in anger.  
Harry ignored him, and kept on running.

He reached the gargoyle guarding the headmasters' office, and waited for it to move. It didn't. That's when he realized something. Something so important, that he was amazed and shocked that he had not remembered this before. So foolish and naïve of him, to forget such a thing. So very strange, of him to forget such a thing as, this for he, was never, this forgetful, with, other, t,h,i,n,g,s,

He was not wearing his left shoe.

"HASHISH!" he screamed out in pain and agony, and the gargoyle jumped away.  
Stepping onto the elevator, he let himself be carried up to Dumbledore's office, where he proceeded to kick down the door.  
He failed, of course.  
But the door opened nonetheless, to reveal…

Dumbledore wearing purple Speedo's and chucking paint at a canvas.

"Harry my boy! So nice to see you again!" he smiled and gestured for Harry to sit on a chair, forgetting that he had a bucket in his hand and subsequently spraying the room with pigs blood.  
"I'M NOT YOUR BOY!" Harry shouted. "I DON'T HAVE A FATHER ANYMORE, THANKS TO VOLDEMORT! I HAVE A TERRIBLE LIFE BECAUSE OF HIM! STUPID VOLDAFOOL! MOLDYSHIT! HAHAHA! I'M SO FUNNY! I FEEL BETTER NOW! I DON'T NEED TO GO INTO ANOTHER CAPSLOCKY-RAGE THINGO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW!"  
He sat down on a blood drenched chair and looked expectantly at the headmaster.

Albus also sat down, trying to twirl his massive beard like a goatee and getting his hand stuck during the process.  
"Harry, there's something I need to tell you."  
"What is it, oh headmaster-who-is-like-a-grandfather-to-me-and-does-everything-with-my-best-intrests-at-heart-and-yet-everyone-still-seems-to-think-is-a-manipulative-old-coger?" Harry asked, staring up at Dumbledore innocently and with absolutely no intentions to coil around him like an anaconda and squeeze the air out of him.

Dumbledore tugged at the hand stuck in his beard, and continued. "Harry, we have found your long lost sister in Atlantica, Lilly Evans is actually Lilly Malfoy, you are the love child of Tom Riddle and James Potter, you are a Veela, Draco Malfoy is a Veela and you are his mate, Blaise Zabinni is a hermaphrodite, you have to go back in time and fuck Tom Riddle in order to find his secrets and kill him, the prophecy does not egsist I just made it up one day when I was bored, Saltwater has had a momentary mental block and can no longer remember how to spell, Hermione and Severus are having a pedophilic relationship, Hermione is cheating on Snape with someone who hates her just as much if not more, Draco Malfoy, you are the heir of Slytherin, Voldemort is 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' all mixed up, you are the heir of Griffindor, what the hell kind of name is 'Marvolo' anyways, you are the heir of Ravenclaw, you are not the heir of Hufflepuff as that is the house where all the rejects belong, Snape is your father, I am a man, you are a man, Ron is your father, and most importantly…" and here, a blue Dumbledore took a great big breath. Such a great big breath, in fact, that he sucked all the air out of the universe and nearly created a great big vacuum. Good thing the mushrooms prevented that one…

So anyways. "and most importantly…" Enter great big breath. "…you left your shoe in my office." Dumbledore chucked a shiny red stiletto at Harry's forehead and created a scar.

"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!" Harry shouted. "MY BEAUTIFUL, SMOOTH, SCAR-FREE FOREHEAD! IT'S BLEMISHED! IT'S _RUINED!"  
_But before he could go into another capslocky rage, Dumbledore intervened.  
"Ahh, but Harry! It was not I who blemished your face so! 'twas the evil Lord Voldemort, who killed your parents!"  
Harry stopped ranting "Wha…? Vol… de… mort? Isn't that… like… a French word or something?"  
Dumbledore twinkled at Harry.  
"Voldemort is evil! I hate Voldemort! Everyone hates Voldemort! Die bitch, _die_!" said Harry.  
Dumbledore smiled and nodded.  
Manipulative old fool.

Just then, Snape burst into the room angrily, black robes billowing up, up, up above his head!  
He struggled for a moment with his treacherous robes, before finally subduing them with a tranquilizer. Smoothing back his hair, he whipped out his handy dandy mirror and checked himself out.  
"Still got it!" he said with a flick of his hair, spraying the room in oil. Which mixed with the pigs blood nicely to form a rather fetching effect.  
Then turned murderously to Harry.  
"YOU!" he shouted, pointing damningly at Harry.

Harry, Marry, Charry, Larry, Barry.

"Stop!" commanded Dumbledore, thrusting his arm out in the typical 'stop' gesture. Unfortunately, his arm was currently entangled in his beard, and he went flying across the room.

"You!" Snape said once more, for good measure.  
"I didn't do it…" said Harry.  
"YoOooOOo00oO000uuUuUUûûüUUU!" said Snapey. He then turned to Dumbledore. "Headmaster! This-this-this _boy, _has stolen my _underwear!"_

"LIES! LIES, ALL OF THEM!" Harry shouted, stomping his feet against the wall.  
"My underwear I tell you!" Snape picked up a pickled something and threw it at the wall near Harry's head.  
Dumbledore stood up. "Stop, my children!" he tried to sweep his arms, but, unfortunately, his hand was still stuck in his beard. And so he threw himself across the room again, flying headfirst into his desk, his purple Speedo's riding slightly up his wrinkled ass.

Whilst Harry was scratching his ass, because the author seems to have something with butt's today, he realized something. With a sheepish grin, he pulled a red lacey thong out of his pocket and thrust it at Snape. "HERE ARE YOUR GOD-DAMNED KNICKERS, SNAPE-FACE!" he quickly put on his shiny red stiletto's, and daintily ran out of the room.

"Wait!" Dumbledore shouted. Harry stopped. Dumbledore stood up. Harry waited. Dumbledore waited. Snape waited. Harry picked his nose. Snape brewed a potion. Harry flicked his snot into Snapes potion. Snape didn't realize. Snape drank the potion. Harry giggled.  
"Hee hee hee!" he said gleefully. "You drank my boogers!"

Then Dumbledore suddenly remembered something. "Harry, do you remember what I told you before?"  
Harry stopped giggling and stared into space, drool slowly dripping out of his mouth.  
"Well? Do ya? Do ya, do ya, do ya? Huh punk? Wanna take me on? Do ya? Wanna take me on?"  
"………………………………no." said Harry.  
"Oh…" said Dumbledore. "well… fine then. Do you at least remember what I told you before?"  
"…duuhhh…………" said Harry.  
"Excellent!" Dumbledore rubbed his hand and beard together. "then you shall go on a merry quest to fulfil your dreams and save the world!"  
Harry didn't move.  
"Well? Off you go now!" Dumbledore waved Harry out, thrusting himself across the room and out the window.

* * *

Mwahahaha!

That's it!

for this chapter!

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooow! Im slightly less bored now! yay!

I'm gonna go and try to straighten my hair now!


End file.
